"Journal of a Kidney Patient" is the joint project of Li Ting, Michelle Tay, Yi Ren, Rashid & Geng Hao from 3R1 (2009) in Ngee Ann Secondary.

It was created over the year-end holidays on 08/12/09.

• Li Ting
• Michelle Tay
• Yi Ren
• Rashid
• Geng Hao

Design: Geng Hao

Hey! My apologies for not updating my blog all this while. 2009 has been a turbulent year for me, and I really felt as if I was riding on an emotional rollercoaster the whole while. However, everything has pretty much gone back to square one. I've managed to secure a stable job after my kidneys have started to function normally again.

As more of my life stories continue to unfold, I look forward to gaining new experiences and learning more valuable lessons. From what I've been through, I can safely tell you readers that I've emerged victorious in this battlefield as a stronger person. Always pick yourself up when you fall, and never regret the mistakes you make in life.

- Duane Joakims

(Posted by Geng Hao)

I was discharged from the hospital today. I feel so refreshed! The doctor told me to come back for regular checkups, assuring me that everything will go well.

Since I'm living with a new kidney now, I've decided to apply for another job and relieve my wife's burden.

My wife will be delighted and relieved when she hears about this. She'll be able to focus on taking care of the kids again.

- Duane Joakims

(Posted by Yi Ren)

My morning was spent in the hospital. Basically, all of my relatives and family members came to visit me in my ward. I was glad that they were considerate of me by preparing fish congee, chicken soup and some fresh fruit for my consumption. I felt really grateful of them, and I think that I should return their kindness from the bottom of my heart.

My visitors also went to see my kidney donor staying over in the ward opposite of mine. Although I very much wanted to walk over to express my heartfelt gratitude, I was too weak from the surgery to even move out of bed. However, I was relieved that my wife took the initiative to prepare a special hamper as a form of thanks.

Somehow, today felt like a wonderful day.

- Duane Joakims

(Posted by Geng Hao)

Today was the day of the kidney transplant operation. The doctor told me not to eat anything before the operation. I was to stay in the hospital ward the entire morning.

At 1pm, the nurse came and wheeled me into the operation theatre. When I was there, the doctor injected me with anaesthesia and told me to count backwards from ten. When I awoke, the operation was done. Five hours passed.

While I was resting in my ward, the doctor walked in and told me that the operation was a success. I'll have to be hospitalised for five days before I can finally go home, though. I'm so glad everything is alright.

- Duane Joakims

(Posted by Michelle)

Today, I received (possibly) the best piece of news. I got a call from the doctor, and he said that he found a suitable kidney donor who's willing to help me! I couldn't express how happy and grateful I was!

I immediately rushed to inform my wife, who too was overjoyed by this miraculous blessing. We headed to the hospital together with our two kids, and they could also sense our lightened spirits.

Upon reaching, the doctor introduced me to a young man, and told me that our tissue match was perfect and that the success rate of the transplant is extremely high. The young man is indeed my saving grace. I thanked him over and over again for his kind heart, and I was touched to tears. The doctor confirmed our operation date, and it'll take place in 3 days' time.

I'm finally saved!

- Duane Joakims

(Posted by Li Ting)

It's already been one month since my wife became the sole breadwinner of the family. I could see that she has been under a lot of pressure as she had to work and take care of the family all by herself.

I feel really helpless as I see her working so hard. What about me? I can't even lift a finger. I'm always on a look-out for my peritoneal dialysis bag, lest it punctures. I should be more cautious so I won't worry her further. I think that's all I can do.

It's inevitable that my wife will throw her temper occasionally. It's really clear that she's getting depressed. I want to help her just like she helped me...

- Duane Joakims

(Posted by Li Ting & Yi Ren)

My medical bills are rising, and I cannot work too. I had to resign from my job as I found it too tedious to work with my current health condition. Furthermore, I had to constantly change the fluid in my dialysis bag.

In order to make ends meet, my wife decided to get a job, with a monthly pay of S$2,500. My savings over the years can also be put into use for our current household and medical bills. I just hope that the doctor can find a suitable kidney donor soon so that everything can turn for the better (I can start working again).

- Duane Joakims

(Posted by Yi Ren)

I managed to go out with my family this afternoon, thanks to the peritoneal dialysis. I had a whale of a time!

I brought my kids and wife to the Universal Studios Singapore, and we really spent some quality time together as a family. For the first time, I felt that having kidney failure isn't all that bad if I look at things from a positive light. Having my loved ones by my side really made me realise the importance of cherishing even the littlest things in life. Seeing my kids having fun as they enjoy the rides really makes me heart feel warm and fuzzy.

Also, even though the relationship between me and my wife once hit the rocks, she still supported me both physically and mentally through all that has happened, and that made me feel really loved and touched.

- Duane Joakims

(Posted by Geng Hao)

Today, the doctor suggested that I adopt a more convenient method of kidney dialysis: peritoneal dialysis.

This method involves inserting a catheter in my body, with one end in the abdomen and the other protruding from the skin. A large volume of fluid from the peritoneal dialysis bag will be introduced into my abdomen via the catheter. The fluid will remain in the abdomen and my bodily waste products will diffuse across the peritoneum from my blood vessels. After a period of time, the fluid will be removed and its supply replenished.

The best part of all this is that I will be able to walk around, which means that I can go out and spend more time with my family while the dialysis process is being carried out! I thought that it was a really good idea, so I went along with it.

- Duane Joakims

(Posted by Michelle)

Today marked my third dialysis treatment session. My family came to visit me today and asked me how I was doing. Although I was pretty much in pain, I gritted my teeth and told them that I have been doing great. I couldn't bear to watch my family worry.

To lighten the heavy atmosphere there, I shared with them my knowledge of the dialysis machine and how it works as a kidney. My two kids were amazed and were shooting me with a whole lot of questions at once. All of us had a really great time chatting together and it dawned on me that I have never really made time for my family in the past. I was too focused on my career! It felt really rare that all of us could be together talking and laughing as a family.

I realised that, with my family by my side, I could actually withstand the pain that I was facing. I must fight on and get well, for the sake of my family.

- Duane Joakims

(Posted by Li Ting)

Today marks the second day of my dialysis treatment. As I was curious about what was going on in the dialysis machine, I asked a nurse for information. She told me that firstly, blood is drawn from an artery in my arm and is pumped through the tubing in the dialysis machine. The partially permeable tubing in the machine is bathed in a specially controlled dialysis fluid. Substances such as urea and metabolic waste products diffuse out of the tubing into the dialysis fluid. The filtered blood is then returned to a vein in my arm. In this way, the blood in my body is cleaned and free of waste substances. I personally felt it was a tedious process and it still breaks my heart that I am in such a state...

- Duane Joakims

(Posted by Rashid)

Today, I went for my first kidney dialysis session. I felt really dispirited and for the first time, I understood how difficult it really was to wear a forced smile. I couldn't remain calm with my feelings of frustration and anxiety. As the nurse drew the blood from an artery in my arm, there was an excruciating pain that rushed up my spine. I watched the blood flow through the tubing and pumped into the dialysis machine, and I couldn't help but break down in tears. Perhaps I still haven't sorted out my emotions. How long would it take before I can finally face this harsh reality?

- Duane Joakims

(Posted by Geng Hao)

I went to the hospital for a check-up this morning. I had to wait for a few hours before the doctor came to me with the results. I knew that it was something serious when I saw the solemn expression on his face. He told me that I've contracted kidney failure. With that, he left me with his nurse, and she told me about the respective treatments. She told me that a kidney transplant would be the best solution, and that the doctor will try his best to find a suitable kidney donor for me. However, I will still have to undergo kidney dialysis for the time being.

I couldn't bring myself to accept everything the nurse and doctor mentioned today. I was shocked. Totally. What will happen to me? I am already jobless, I've lost a huge sum of money, and now my kidneys are failing!

- Duane Joakims

(Posted by Yi Ren)

It's already been five days since my discharge. I've been vomiting a lot lately. It did not worry me as I thought it was just food poisoning. I only started worrying when traces of blood appeared in my urine. I've also been forgetting things very easily, and I'm beginning to lose my appetite too. My wife advised me to go for another check-up as it might be due to something serious.

- Duane Joakims

(Posted by Michelle)

I should stop my drinking habits. Will that work after I've turned into a heavy alcoholic since 5 months ago? I'm worried that I might not be able to curb my addiction.

Today, I promised myself a last drink and told myself that I'll never drink heavily again. Little did I know that everything was too late. I got so drunk today. As I was crossing the road, I felt so giddy and before long I heard a deafening roar of a car honking and in a flash, everything turned pitch black. When I woke up, the first thing I saw was the worried look on my wife's face. The doctor came in and told me that my injuries were not serious except for the large cut in my right arm. I could be discharged from hospital in another 3 days. However after a full body screening, the doctor warned me that my kidney could be malfunctioning and told me to monitor my health when I got home. I was told the different symptoms of kidney failure before he left me to rest. I really hope everything will turn out fine. I think that I should just quit on alcohol already, they're nothing but trouble for me.

- Duane Joakims

(Posted by Li Ting)

This morning, I woke up with a terrible hangover. I had a drop too much last night. My wife nagged at me for returning home so late too. I was irritated and we had a heated argument. Eventually, I lost my composure. I shouted at her and claimed that it was all her fault that I am having such a hard time dealing with the collapse of Lehman Brothers. I then realised that I accidentally let the cat out of the bag about my current financial crisis! I became really frustrated as she started accusing me of not regarding her as my wife because I didn't tell her about such a happening. To relieve my growing frustration, I went to the gambling den again and before long, I realised that I got hooked on gambling. Whenever I lost, I would be so upset that I would go to the bar to down several bottles at once. My debts keep increasing and it's no doubt that I've became an alcoholic. However, such methods really relieve my stress...

- Duane Joakims

(Posted by Li Ting & Rashid)

Today, I went to meet some of my old NS mates at the nightclub along Clarke Quay. I told them all about the financial problems that me and my company have been facing. We shared our woes over a couple of drinks, and they gave me an address of a gambling den. Apparently, they said that I could gain back my loss with just a single win at Blackjack! I'm really desperate for cash now to support my family, so I'm most probably going to give gambling a shot. What can I possibly lose from this?

- Duane Joakims

(Posted by Geng Hao)

The worst thing I can ever imagine has happened. The Lehman Brothers collapsed this afternoon. I've made a loss of over S$300,000! How am I supposed to face my family? I've hit a dead end... no one can really help me now. Why didn't I listen to my wife then?!

- Duane Joakims

(Posted by Yi Ren)

It's the start of another day. I've been monitoring the share prices, and there has been no signs of them going up. My wife persuaded me to sell my shares before the prices drop further, so that I wouldn't end up making a loss. Of course, I still believe that the share prices are going to rise in a matter of time. Hence, I don't plan to heed her advice...

- Duane Joakims

(Posted by Michelle)

My name is Duane Joakims, aged 34, and I've started this blog to write about my everyday life. For starters, I am a married husband with two kids and I work as a businessman. My salary is S$25000 per month and I am very satisfied with my current living standards. My wife is a full-time housewife who takes care of my kids while I'm at work. Recently, I invested in some shares of Lehman Brothers in hope of gaining profit when the prices go up. Although Lehman Brothers is said to be facing financial difficulties, I believe that their share prices will improve soon.

Wish me good luck!

- Duane Joakims

(Posted by Li Ting)